Modern dating in Australia: Red flags to look out for

Ah, modern dating. One minute you’re swiping from the couch in trackies, the next you’re analysing a “hey” message like it’s a Year 12 English text.

Dating in Australia today looks very different to what it did even a decade ago. Dating apps, social media and instant messaging have made meeting people easier than ever, but they’ve also introduced a whole new set of behaviours that many Aussies now see as dating red flags.

According to the Choosi Swipe Right Modern Dating Report, nearly half of Aussies aged 18–49 use at least one dating app, and more than 80% say they’ve dated someone who didn’t quite match their profile (we’re talking filtered photos, creative storytelling and perhaps the occasional “surprise, I’m actually married” moment).

Love and Life Coach Angela Barrett sums it up perfectly: “Online dating gives you the ability to meet potential matches you never would have come across in real life. But it can also open you up to insincere and shady people who have no real intention of finding a committed partner.”

So how do you spot the warning signs early and save yourself time, energy and emotional whiplash? Let’s break down the biggest red flags to look out for when dating in the modern world.

What are red flags in modern dating (really)?

Dating red flags are those little (or not-so-little) signals that something might be off. They don’t automatically mean someone’s a villain, but they do often suggest misaligned values, poor communication or a lack of respect. In modern dating culture, red flags tend to pop up faster and more frequently, especially online. The key is knowing when to pause, reflect and maybe… not organise that second date just yet.

The biggest red flags on a date

Dishonesty (or creative storytelling)

One of the biggest red flags on a date? Realising the person sitting across from you isn’t quite the person you thought you were meeting. The Choosi Swipe Right Modern Dating Report reveals more than four in five of us say they’ve dated someone who misrepresented themselves — whether that’s their appearance, age, relationship status or intentions.

Common examples include:

• Photos used from many years ago
• Heavily filtered pics that don’t match reality
• Vague answers about work, living situation or what they’re “actually looking for”

It’s safe to say that honesty is one of the most important traits in a partner which is why this remains one of the most common (and frustrating) dating red flags.

Ghosting and flaky behaviour

If modern dating had a mascot, it might be the ghost emoji. Ghosting is now one of the most common red flags while dating. Our report reveals that nearly three in four of us admit they’ve ghosted someone before, and more than 70% say they’ve been ghosted themselves.

Angela Barrett believes online dating makes this behaviour easier and more common.

“If you’ve met online, you don’t have any common friends to keep you honest. It’s easy to be cavalier with someone’s feelings if you know you’ll never have to face them,” she explains.

While ghosting might feel like the “easy way out”, it often leaves the other person feeling confused, rejected or disrespected. As Angela puts it, “I’m a big proponent of kind, honest, dignity-preserving let-downs rather than ghosting.”

(Short version: a polite message beats disappearing into the void.)

Pushy, controlling or intense behaviour

Big feelings are great. Big pressure? Not so much. Not surprisingly, Aussies say controlling or pushy behaviour is one of the biggest internet dating red flags. Our report also shows that more than half of dating app users report spotting behaviours like gaslighting, emotional manipulation or boundary-pushing early on.

Watch out for things like:

• Pressure to meet immediately
• Ignoring your boundaries
• Guilt-tripping or emotional games

If someone consistently makes you feel uncomfortable, rushed or second-guessing yourself, take it as your cue to step back.

Online dating red flags linked to safety (non-negotiables)

Modern dating isn’t just emotionally tiring; it can also raise real safety concerns.

Nearly half of us who use dating apps say we’ve experienced a safety-related incident, including scams, threats or in-person intimidation.

Major red flags on dating apps include:

• Requests for money or financial details
• Pushing to move conversations off the app quickly
• Avoiding video calls or public meetups
• Stories that change or don’t add up

If something feels off, trust that feeling. Safety always comes first.

The cost of dating: a modern red flag in its own right?

Dating isn’t just emotionally expensive, it’s financially expensive too!

Angela Barrett points out that “With the rising cost of living impacting just about everything, the price of going on a date has gone up markedly. Food, entertainment and transport all cost more.”

Our research backs this up, with many saying dating is getting pricier and that they’re actively trying to be smarter about how (and who) they spend their money on.

“Aussie daters are having to think creatively about how to cost-cut while dating and without looking stingy,” Angela says. “People are becoming more mindful about how they’re choosing to spend their money, and on whom.” That said, she adds a note of caution: “Rising costs combined with negative experiences can make people apathetic about dating.” Translation? The dating scene burnout is real and totally understandable.

Why modern dating makes red flags easier to ignore

Dating in the modern world moves fast. Endless swiping, constant messaging and too many options can sometimes make questionable behaviour feel… normal.

In dating, these patterns can look like:

• Overlooking bad behaviour because “everyone does it”
• Accepting poor communication due to burnout
• Hoping things will improve despite repeated warning signs

Awareness is the first step to breaking that cycle.

How to navigate modern dating without losing your sparkle

1. Trust your instincts — they exist for a reason, and they are usually onto something
2. Take your time, there’s no rush to lock anything in
3. Meet in public places and tell someone your plans
4. Be honest in your own profile (it attracts the right people)
5. Set boundaries early and don’t apologise for them

Healthy modern dating should feel respectful, clear and enjoyable, not confusing, pressured or draining.

Red flags aren’t there to ruin the fun

Modern dating in Australia can be exciting, awkward, exhausting and occasionally brilliant and sometimes all of the above, in the same week. While dating apps give us more choice than ever, they also make it easier for red flags to slip by if we’re not paying close attention. By knowing what to look out for, from ghosting and dishonesty to safety and money stress, you can date with more confidence, clarity and self-respect. And hey, spotting a red flag early isn’t a failure. It’s a win!

If you’re thinking about the future, solo or with someone new, life insurance can help protect the people and plans that matter most. Choosi is a free comparison service that can you help you to compare available life insurance options, so you can make informed choices at your own pace.